Still focusing on my weight. Slowly but surely.
Start: 177
Now: 150.4
Loss: 26.6
Goal: 135/140

If you hadn't noticed this journal has kind of turned into my weight loss journal.
So far I'm down 20.6 pounds!
16.4 to go!

Holy shit. LJ has changed a lot. I don't even know how to use this stupid website anymore.
Good times.

It's funny. I've had this stupid thing for years. I forget about it, then I post a short little blip, then I forget about it again. It's funny to look back and see how people have changed.

Things are great.
Still working at the Bee's.
Buying a new car very soon.
Going to Hawaii for a week. To get away. I have a free couch to sleep on.
I found myself a new boyfriend. [but that's nothing new]
Finished school. Now I need to apply for my AAOT to it's official. Or something.
The End.

God damn. I haven't been on here in foreeeever.
Life is good.
For once in my life.
I'm in Florida right now.
Visiting for a week.
It's been amazing so far.
The beaches are white. The daytime is warm.
And I don't think I've ever seen so many sea shells before in my life.

You know what? I wish I could drive to the beach barefoot
and put on some flip-flops before I got out of the car
and walk to the middle of the beach
and just scream and scream and scream
and sit down and listen to the waves through the hood of my sweater.

- * -


Things are the same.
Same old feelings. Same old friends. Same old losses. Same old gains. Same old school. Same old work. Same old paycheck. Same old comforts. Same old nights with pills and booze and fuzzy heads. Same old growing. Same old obsticals. Same old repetativeness. Same old Same old.

I'm taking Yoga next term.
I'm actually really excited.
I hope it's everything my body and spirit is expecting.

I don't know why I'm writing in here.

Saturday, 9:05 am, I will be leaving.
Going far far away.
Probably the furthest I could go while still being in the US...

I'm flying to Buffalo, NY to see my friend Alli.
There are pictures on here from last year about this time when she came to visit.
I'm so nervous I want to vomit.
My hearts been beating so insanely for 3 days now.
I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
And, to make it better, I'm drinking an energy drink to be able to stay awake tonight and pack. And I'm going to take some shots tonight when Jason comes over and make him cuddle me and feel better.

Things have been going fairly well. Nothing TOO horrible going on. Just the same general stuff, and reacuring things, thinking about old shit. That kind of stuff. But I'm doing well. I'm just SO happy to be leaving here for a week. I haven't went on a REAL vacation in over and year and a half.
A fucking year and a half!
heh

I will have lots of pictures for you all when I come back.
And GOOD ones, since I just bought a scanner and I know how to use my 35mm camera, now. ;)

I have 66 albums on my computer.
Almost all downloaded with dial up.
Booya.

I just realized how I never use livejournal any more.
No one reads this. I don't get comments. No one gives a shit.
But, I don't give a shit, so that's okay.

There are probably a dozen people I'd like to keep track of.
The rest are being deleted.
It's no offense to you, we just never talk and, well, we never leave eachother comments anyway, so it shouldn't hurt your feelings too much.

And, that's about it.

===============================================================

I've really been trying to ignore the fact that I probably fucked myself over for life.

A few weeks ago, maybe a month ago or so, I was walking across the bridge in Gladstone when my sandles, which I wasn't used to wearing, caught on a lip and I fell straight on my knee. It hurt like a bitch, but I figured it was just bruised and I would be fine when the swelling went down.

Well, the swelling went down a few days ago and...I'm fucked. My knee cap is rotated and it still hurts to walk. Mostly in the morning. It's all stiff and it hurts deep in the joint. Not something painful enough to make me limp, but enough to make me notice it with almost every step.

Fuuuck. I know if I go to a doctor they'll just tell me to leave it and hope it fixes it's self, or get surgery, so it's almost pointless to go to the doctor. But I want to...because...it's a doctor, ya know?
And I had my grandmother look at it, because she was a nurse for years, and she said it looks like I ruptured the fluid pack under the kneecap? Or something like that. Something she said was serious and I should get it looked out asap.

Ugh. I don't know what to do.

Well, my birthday wasn't AS horrible as I thought it was going to be, but it still wasn't great.

I woke up at 9:30, thinking I could get a good start on the day and get more in.
Take a shower. Get dressed up.
Take the bus to mom's work because my step dad's father was supposed to give me something.
But he didn't know I was going to be there, so he left it at home.
(a 35mm camera that I can experiment with + he's going to give me pointers and go over how to develop my own prints)
I was there until after noon.
Get a ride home and sit at home watching tv, waiting to get ahold of people.
Shannon, who I figured I was going to hang out with, was now going to lunch with her boyfriend.
So I had myself a good cry. Listened to some music and packed a bag.
I went downtown for about 2 hours to draw at the waterfront.
Very nice time.
Went home because mom wanted to go out for dinner. (really didn't want to)
Get ready. Leave. Mom's stressed out = everyone else is stressed out.
At the restaurant I have a panic attack. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to cry, breath, not die, and call Blake. When I was better I went out there.
I had only ordered a salad, which wasn't made right.
By the time I got a new salad everyone else was almost done eating.
My salad was STILL not made right and it tasted disgusting.
Everyone else hated thier food.
Mike's made him sick.
Everyone's even more irritated, I walk outside and waited at the car.
Go home. Cry some more. Have a few shots and a beer. Go to bed.

But, I did get $220 and a sewing kit out of it.
And my daddy is taking me to see Charley and the chocolate factory tomorrow. :)

This is my board. Hard, solid wood. Dark room.
Plain not cool.


It's open!!! With Mike's waving at me happily.
But, the hole is empty.
FILL THE HOLE!


With...
A WINDOW!
YAY! WINDOW IN SHAUNA'S ROOM!

My life feels like it's getting really repetitive again.

During the week I wake up between 10 and 12.
Eat cereal or an egg.
Drink a glass of water.
Get online to check comments/notes/messages/e-mails/downloads/blogs/etc.
Change clothes.
Leave for the gym.
Work out for about an hour.
Come home.
Change clothes.
Eat something. Sandwich or tiny burrito with a piece of cheese.
Clean up and/or take a shower.
Leave for work.
If I don't work I get back online and sit there for hours and/or clean.
Then I come home.
Get back online.
Sit there until 1am.
Go to bed and lay there for an hour watching tv.
Then sleep and wake up to do it all over again.
Then, on a Friday or Saturday I spent the majority of my time trying to find something to do.
Which ends up in promises and lost hope.
Nothing ever REALLY happens.


Oh well, this just means things will change soon/eventually.
Time to get ready for work. Lol

NOTICE:
July 23rd anyone that wants to can celebrate my birthday with me.
I just want to sit at some river, chill out, and have a BBQ.
Maybe a drunkin’ fest at my house later.
Depends on how many people.
SHOW SOME LOVE, BIATCHES!! ♥

I sliced my hand open on a light at work today.

I was there for only 15 minutes when I have to go set up a party of 9, because the guy told me a wrong number and he was already sitting down. I turn his table and another table together. When we do that we have to raise our light fixtures up and hook them on the ceiling, so I put up the first one, no issue. I move my hand away slowly to make sure it doesn't fall and shatter all over the place. I've had a huge phobia since it happened that one time and I almost got glass all over a baby.
I put my hand on the second light dome to lift it up to rest on my shoulder so I can hook it and the next thing I know there's this loud POP and teeny tiny pieces of glass go everywhere and the light fixture is in my hand. I KNOW there's glass in my hand and I don't want to look. The entire glass dome around the light bulb had shattered in my hand. I take a second to breath and make sure I'm not COMPLETELY hurt. I look down and BAM...blood. Bubbling out of my palm.
I literally push everyone around me out of my way and RUN in back to the sink. My manager saw it happen and ran after me.
We just got these new things to turn on the water in the kitchen and in the state I was in I couldn't comprehend how to turn on the water and NOT hurt myself. My manager Matt grabs my hand, turns my head away, tells me not to look, and runs my hand under the water cleaning up all the blood. I follow him in back bawling having blood stream out of the cut into my other palm, which was over flowing on to the floor. They told me to just bleed on the floor, someone would clean it up. So I dripped all over the place. Blood stiffening and coagulating in my hand. It was horrible. I was shaking so bad. They throw a few things of gauze on the cut and change them as they get full. Of course they couldn't find Band-Aids or anything so I had to stand there for a few minutes.
They put a butterfly Band-Aid on it and taped some gauze down. Then everyone, including myself, realized how badly I was shaking and they made me sit down outside.
They gave me their insurance card, said I would be paid until 9pm, and Matt drove me home. It's pretty deep, but I cleaned it up a few times, because it was kind of oozing for a few hours, and put some Neosporin on it and Band-Aids. Mike said if it looks like this or better tomorrow I'm good, but if it get started to look ANY worse no one's letting me work tomorrow and I have to go to the doctor.
Bleh on all of this.


On some good news:
Went to the gym a few times this week and worked out for over an hour each time.
It feels so GOOD.
I bought a new wallet, since mine was stolen.
Bought sunless tanner.
Bought shoe polish for my Docs.
And I bought a USB cord to hook up my computer to my stereo.
It's so nice. mm mm mm <3

Justin Long and some other actor came into my mom's work today to get lunch. They're filming "The Sasquatch Dumpling Gang" "A film from the makers of Napoleon Dynamite" at Oaks Park 8pm-10am and my mom got us on the [full] extras list.
woop woop! ?

Tomorrow at 1pm I'm going with Shaun to the Heathman to talk to a manager about a possible hostess position. $8.50/hr+tips It's a really good opportunity for me to get out there, get out of the rush-rush food chain scene, and move on up. But it's intimidating. Good wine, good music, rich people. Yea, scary. I just don't want to leave Applebee's because I get along with everyone so well (for the most part), but I would really like either more hours or more money, and here I could work the same amount of hours but make a lot more.

I still don't have a clue what I want to do with school. I don't want to even think about it. My last term was completely HELL and...it's just really turned me off to going to school. But, I'll figure it out eventually. Everyone's telling me to go to a trade school, which I'll probably do. I just don't know which one or for what...

I have 6Gs saved up so far. For a car, trips, furniture, moving out. Yea, I'm well on my way. I hope.

Within the year Blake is probably moving back, which would be interesting.

My Mom and Mike got a ton of money for home depot at their wedding reception and they bought a new bedroom door for themselves, and a window for my room. You know what that means? Once the window shows up in 2 weeks they can throw in the insulation, sheetrock, I paint, AND I HAVE A BEDROOM! I can't wait. omg.

What is everyone doing for the 4th? I have Sunday and Monday off work.

Oh, and I dyed my hair aubern today. It's not as vibrant as I had hoped, but I still like it.

I got all of my grades back!

Philosophy: C+
Psycology: B
Writing: A
Drawing: A

GPA: 3.2

The two things I was really stressing about:
Philosophy final: 86%
Philosophy paper: 88%

Woop Woop!
So, happy it's all officially done.

Fuck this shit!
I hate my life right now. I'm close to no one. I've lost all of my good friends. I needed a break, so I attempt to go out with some people, only to find out everyone wants to do some fucking E, which I don't feel doing. Then, the next thing I know my wallet has been fucking stolen. Somewhere between the bathroom, outside chair, and car, my wallet turned up missing. [all 3 places I made SURE it was in my pocket...then it's gone.]
I don't give a SHIT about the $23 in it. I just want my WALLET back. With the pictures, bus pass, bank cards. For the love of FUCKING god. What the hell have I done to deserve this. Again?! I have't done shit. This is the THIRD time my wallet has turned up missing! I hate my life right now. Everything is fucking turning against me and I don't get it. I don't get it. I DON'T GET IT!
Somebody. Please. Explain why THIS is happeneing to ME?!

Looky Looky! THIS IS MINE!
Eddie told me to get it, so I did. (since my old stereo just died. fucker)


It looks rediculous, but I love it.
. . .

Oh my god....IT'S SUMMER!!!

And I got an 88% on the paper I was freaking out over forever.